Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
