Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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