she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize