I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
