...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize