I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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