I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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