and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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