we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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