The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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