So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
