i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
