Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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