I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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