Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
