I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
