I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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