Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
