I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
