Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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