Define "chronic" masturbator.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
