Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
