HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
