for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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