i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
