Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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