I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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