What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
