I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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