Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think people are normalizing furries
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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