a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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