she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
