I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
