I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
