i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize