the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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