this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
