Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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