I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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