It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
