R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
