I need help removing her.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
