Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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