You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
