This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
