I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
