I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my poor anus
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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