Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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