Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize