K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
