she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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