The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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