my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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