Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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