Don't you send me to vm
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
