My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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