just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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