you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
