Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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