Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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