The maid of honor just puked.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
