Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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