Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
