y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
