dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Randomize
