how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
