Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
