the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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