Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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