brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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