he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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