I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
