she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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