Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
