At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The air was thick with penises
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
