Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize