Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
