Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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