apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
