i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
