New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
