He kissed a someone with a penis
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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