your thong is hanging out like whoa
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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