I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and she was petting her beer can
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
