I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
