i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize