I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
