So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
