she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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