Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
