Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
