just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
