sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my sisters under your porch take her home
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
