so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
