I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize