When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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