5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize