So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
