Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
