Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
