Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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