My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
