You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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