Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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